One of the most difficult new baby adjustments is finding myself for weeks glued to the couch painfully breastfeeding. I included the term “painfully” because for me, nursing isn’t a “magical” experience. Without going into TMI-land, I am what you call… a milk factory.
Trust me, I realize how “lucky” I am to be able to nurse on demand and pump out obscene amounts of “liquid gold.” This however, comes at a great sacrifice… a lot of physical pain and time away from my other children. My husband assures me that I’ve complained of this before and just encourages me to “stick with it.”
If you know me personally, professionally or you’ve gotten to know me through this blog; you might have noticed that I don’t do well sitting still. I am on the go with my kids all the time; we go to the park, juggle after school activities, and you can find us traveling to the beach, California or Europe. For me, to spend eight to ten hours a day sitting down nursing is difficult to say the least. But I’m doing it!
Gabriel takes about 40 minutes to nurse and forever to burp. Then, let’s add the time to change him and get him settled and there went an hour. He sleeps for two hours and off to the couch again I go! All I can say is that he has found himself very comfortable in the softness of my bosoms (men, they figure this out at an early age!) and he likes to remain there as long as he can.
Then there is me, the one that can’t sit down for long and has two other kids to take care of and wants to do things with. So, with each breastfeeding session I grow more and more impatient of all the things that I could be doing; like taking a walk with Gabriel in his stroller or doing something with the other kids. I also envy some of my friends who never breast fed their kids, quit after a short time, or had an excuse to quit. For me, the guilt of wanting to provide what’s best for my babies has made me a slave to the breast pump and left me with more back pain.
I feel that as mothers we want to provide the best for our kids starting from the day they are born. We spend endless hours researching baby gear, diapers, bottles, bath products, slings… you name it we look into it… specially with our first child. However, by the time you get to your 3rd baby you realize that some things are no longer good (BPA in bottles) and others you no longer trust (like toxic chemicals in baby shampoo). Needless to say, having a third child five years after your first can feel like you are starting over.
There are so many joys of having children and I love every minute of being a mother. However, what I don’t love is the guilt of knowing what’s best and trying to decide what works for one’s family. With each child, it takes time to adjust what has worked in the past to what will work with the new addition to the family. It’s all about finding a balance.
Did you have breastfeeding issues? Did you find it difficult to be “tied down” as you had more kids?
Tamara Floyd
Yes, My Prince was in NICU for a week after he was born. He wasn’t to demanding with the breastfeeding but the nurses were. It was stressful because I had to wake him up every two to three hours to nurse. I didn’t have alot of assistance from a lactation consultant so by the time we made it home I had sore nipples and engorement from improper latching. I had to suffer through it until after the Thanksgiving holiday when I promptly visited a lactation consultant at my babe’s ped’s office. Oh I wanted to cry and give up. What saved me is having friends who breastfed and a husband that would encourage me to rest while he bottle feed with express breast milk.
I did experience the mental anxiety of having to sit still…Oh I hated it. Thought I would go crazy!!! I really questioned my purpose. I was so afraid of being what I thought reduced to ONLY a mother. I need to be able to work, blog, cook, clean and etc to feel validated as an mother.
I got through my freak out moments and I have been breastfeeding exclusively and making baby food for my 9 months old Prince. Love it.
RookieMom Heather
Laura,
I don’t think I realized that you had two bigs and a baby (like me!). I’m sure that if you wrote this in January, you are at a totally different place…
Laura Fuentes
Yes, my baby is now 7 months so it has gotten easier. I have to say that the first 4 months were rough. you know? We are at a different place now but baby G is still not sleeping through the night and I am working full time. one day I will get more sleep. 🙂
Haley P
I TOTALLY relate! I have a just-turned-3 year old, 18 month old, and 3 month old. I told myself I wouldn’t beat myself up if I couldn’t nurse as long as I wanted because I knew it’d be hard… but I wanted what was best for her so badly that I couldn’t stop if I wanted to. Luckily, she’s been my easiest so far! It’s just the finding time to sit down and be still all the time!! I feel like I have so many things to do!! haha
Laura Fuentes
Oh wow! you are doing GREAT!! I’ve had to supplement.. and that’s OK. you know? bc when mommy (who also works full time running a company) is less stressed out… everyone is happier. IT IS hard to find time to one self… I miss that the most sometimes. thanks for the comment!
Nancy LeBlanc
I had no computer or even cable when nursing my now 18 year old son. The only thing on tv late night was OJ Simpson’s big run in the white vehicle. And for my daughter it was Princess Diana’s funeral. My son was such a sleepy baby, I had to wake him to nurse him and as soon as he would latch on, he would fall asleep again. I would have to put cold wet cloths on his feet and other places to keep him awake. When my sister would visit, she would call herself Nurse Brunhilda and be very stern to make him wake up. LOL
I developed mastitus also but persevered. I even had to lean my breast into a large pot of hot water for relief. I don’t think he will ever know what I went through. Managed to get him to a year before weaning. My daughter, on the other hand, was so easy and we went 26 months, mostly at night because once she was 9 months old, she stopped nursing in public- was too social and wanted to visit instead.
I wasn’t good at pumping for either, but since, despite being a sleepy baby, my son wouldn’t use a bottle, I did have a small supply of that liquid gold in my freezer. When my son was 11 months old, my sister adopted a daughter from China so it went to good use.
Laura Fuentes
Thank you Nancy for the encouragment! I am still pumping… not nursing bc of my back but I’m still at it! I am writing a post on other issues soon bc now he’s lactose intolerant! (cow’s milk). ugh. so here i am now doing gluten free and lactose free. soooo not fun. stay tuned! thank you for your comment!
Ana Z.
I totally understand you. For me, it was very difficult because my milk supply was always low. My lactation consultant always told me to pump after every breastfeeding section to increase milk supply but it never helped my situation. I resorted to supplementing him with formula and to just exclusively pump. Two months into the breastfeeding, I developed mystasis (sp?). My milk dried out with the antibiotics and that was the end of my breastfeeding.
Just do what you feel it’s best for you. I know the first weeks are the hardest but you’ll develop your routine right back up again in no time. Hang in there! Gabriel is such a cutie, by the way. =)
Laura Fuentes
Thank you Ana! I am still hanging in there… pumping! thanks for your encouragement 🙂
Mary Nell
I breastfeeding with mine (I only had one) but it only lasted a week. She couldn’t suck hard enough to get the milk and I tried everything and I couldn’t pump enough to keep it from backing up. Of course that was 33 years ago. They have so many new and better things days to help. She on the other hand has 2 boys of her own and she has breastfed both of them until they were at least 15 months. She did great. And like you she did some research, read books and had some really good support.
Isabel
yes, the things they have today are…. well incredible. I am still using the same pump from sofia (6yrs ago) but the new ones have changed significantly! I even had to go get new bottles because hers are no longer good. go figure!
Sue Robinson
Do what feels best for you, at if that means no nursing so you can be healthier mentally, then DO IT. I have learned the hard way that if you don’t take care of yourself first, it ends in disaster because all that will left of you is pieces and you can’t take care of other in pieces. Love you and I know you will make the best move for YOU.
Ludicrous Mama
I never made enough, so nursing on demand meant sitting with the baby on my nips ALL DAY LONG. Well, she’d eventually drop from exhaustion, for maybe 15 minute snoozes. Then back to work. So I just sat at the computer all day with her on the Boppy, slorping and snoozing away. Can’t afford to do that with the second one, since the first one needs me to do stuff. Like feed her too. The fenugreek herbal supplement made me sick with my first (I thought I had the flu! I was nursing with a bucket next to me!) And it made the baby so fussy it made colic look like naptime. And the prescription can only be taken periodically, since it can cause nerve damage if taken long-term. I went back to work for a month and all but dried up, and by then she was loving being able to slorp down a whole meal from a bottle and snooze for a few hours, so only wanted Mama for dessert!
So with Thing 2, we faced facts and supplemented with formula from the get-go. But when I do nurse, I sit there with a book and/or my iPad or the laptop, surfing the intarwebs, catching up on Facebook or emails, etc. Makes me not want to shoot myself in the head from boredom.
Laura Fuentes
Oooh, you are speaking directly to me girl!! The update is that I am now practically pumping full time and giving it to him in a bottle. I find that with the pump I can regulate the suction and it doesn’t hurt as bad. Wish me luck!
Mary Nell
Whatever works and he is still getting the benefits of your milk.
Blessing @ Working Mom Journal
I had the normal milk supply with minimal mastitis. Thank Goodness. Wish you the best in juggling kids and adapting to a new routine of 3. You are one strong momma and I pretty sure you have most of it all figured out.
Laura Fuentes
Awwww!!! Thank you!! I’m trying!
Laura Fuentes
Thank you for your words of encouragement!