I’m Not the “Perfect” Mommy & I’m OK With That

When I write for SGM, I often think: what could I write that people will a) like, b) read, c) relate to?  There have been posts about my view of motherhood, on feeding my kids healthy food, on getting organized, and even how I barely managed to keep my cool when my kids superglued my hair.  Often times, I blog about fun things we do together as a family because it’s time I cherish.  We are finally spending weekends together doing things as a family; because up until a few months back we cared for my disabled father in law and I worked some nights and weekends.  If there is one thing I will not compromise when I write is on being transparent.  I am always appreciative when people comment or send me emails letting me know what they think.

This week, I received an email from a reader asking if I ever have bad moments as parent.  Moments? Oh, there are plenty.  She was referring to times when I might loose focus and let my kid’s arguing, yelling, or picking on each other get to me.  Oh yes, like almost every morning trying to leave the house to get them to school on time. Of course, it did not happen this morning as God knew I was going to be writing on this! Anyhow….focus.  Yes, yes; back to why I am not the “perfect” mommy nor do I strive to be.

If you read SGM regularly, you might of noticed that I am happy go lucky about life. It may not be what the Jonses next door might want it to be… but I make it good enough for me! I like my life. It’s perfect for me. Having said that; there are plenty of times that I feel the inadequacies of parenting.  Unfortunately, I let it get to me sometimes.  I call it the “after effect.”  For example: nearly every night when my kids have had enough with their day but refuse to finish their dinner, brush their teeth, or get to bed without a fight…. Someone yells (me). And what happens?  Thirty seconds later I feel like a crappy parent because they are 3 and nearly 5 year olds who are tired (well, so am I) and want more attention from dad before bedtime.  Or, they will go go go until they are so crabby they are now picking on each other to a) stay awake, b) get more of our attention.   Seriously.  Many days I stand on the verge of loosing it and think: get a hold of yourself mamma lu!

Before many of you begin to email me with suggestions about gentle parenting, tiger parenting, and all the other techniques… thanks but no thanks.  This is what happens when we cram too many activities in the afternoon or kids get a late dinner (think hungry crabby kids).  Does it happen often? Yup.  I am far from the mom who lives on a tight schedule, and most afternoons my kids are playing in our back yard till it’s probably past their dinner time.  I am not the spoiler of fun… I just can’t. The days are getting longer here in southern Louisiana and getting the kids to bed when it’s light out is very difficult.

I try to not let my kid’s picking on each other get to me. I separate the fighting often enough, but many times I let them figure it out themselves.  They are fifteen months apart, and my son wants to do everything his big sister wants to do. Annoying? VERY. I feel for her, I really do.  I just tell her to either include him, ignore him, give him another option; but whatever she does, she needs to do it nicely.   Yes, they fight like cats and dogs and many days I feel like I am a sergeant but it is what it is.  They are good kids, and I know I can leave them with other people and they behave.  That is important to me; that their behavior outside my presence reflects the person they are becoming.

I want my kids to grow up and be good people, who love God and honor their parents.  The perfection that is sought along the way by many parents is not important.  I love on my kids all the time; we are snugglers.  They’ve even been late a few times to school because the three of us were still in our pjs cuddled under a blanket watching playhouse Disney and we were cozy… very cozy.  So what. Life isn’t about being perfect, but about loving and being loved.  I may loose my temper at times and I may not act like the perfect parent according to the Joneses; oh well.   My kids know they are loved.  I know they do.

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A big thanks to Hobo Mama for writing “Why I’m not as fabulous a parent her blog suggests” and to Kelly for writing “Being the best mom is not a title I earn every day.” You were both very inspiring and led me to write this.